I can’t tell you how many holidays have been ruined by my hopeful expectations. Waiting for SOMEONE ELSE to fulfill my dreams. For 25 years I blamed it on my ex-husband. Every Anniversary, Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s that was met with lackluster sentiment, if any, and the void that I felt. The hurt, emptiness, sadness, and perpetual disappointment that I set myself up for.
Whose fault was it? Mine.
Not because I didn’t deserve better. Because I did. But so did he. He gave me absolutely everything that he could. If I wasn’t willing to “listen” to what he was telling me…THAT was on me and we BOTH suffered for it.
Talk about a tough pill to swallow.
It took me a VERY long time to see things clearly. To stop focusing on what he WASN’T doing. The passionate kiss at midnight, the sexy but thoughtful gift, the unwritten outpouring of sentiment telling me everything he couldn’t speak, the occasional extravagant gift or romantic getaway, flowers, etc… Letting me know that at least a few times a year that he DID think of me the way I longed for.
Until ONE DAY I woke up. Literally. (More about that another day.)
I told myself…that the life I WANT for myself starts with ME. I have control of it. This control does not reside in ANYONE else’s hands or heart, but mine.
Today. I have no doubt he’s giving all the things he couldn’t give me to his new wife and I couldn’t be happier for them both. Honestly.
Today. I could care less what day it is. What holiday it is. For every DAY is the same. I am in control of my happiness and I am blissfully so.
What did my new husband give me for Christmas? The VERY BEST gift in the entire world. He loves me every. single. day. the way I KNOW I deserve and I am the one who put MYSELF in that position.
Wishing you everything that YOU deserve this new Woo Year 2017.
~ Nancy xo
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